


Of Course

by orphan_account



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Child Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Smutty times, Ferard, Fluff and Angst, Frerard, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, Hospitals, Love Confessions, M/M, References to Addiction, Suicide Attempt, Teen Romance, True Love, Two boys kissing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-14
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-03-22 20:34:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3742687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard and Frank made a pact since they met in Freshmen year of high school to always call when Frank got back from the hospital to visit his Mother. Their late night phone calls were a thing of ritual by now. Every single night they called to talk about mundane things when they couldn't see each other in person. So Gerard finds it off one night when Frank breaks that promise, and sneaks out to find him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dearly Departed

**Author's Note:**

> Working on big mcr novel gtg

He always called. 

Gerard stared at the call screen of his phone with great disdain. It was 8:20PM. Frank should've answered his phone, but all that came up for the last five minutes was a stupid voice message and no answers. 

Gerard and Frank had a pact since they met in Freshmen year of high school to always call when Frank got back from the hospital. 

The hospital, that is, was more or less home to his mom after her years of drug and alcohol abuse finally caught up with her. Frank said she was stuck in there with all sorts of problems, though he didn't always go into the specifics.

At the start of their friendship, Gerard would pry a little, only to get a dismissive answer quickly spit back at him. Anyway- Frank didn't like to talk about his mom.

Pressing the call button for the eighth time, Gerard didn't even bother to hear it ring again. They were both Juniors in high school now, so needless to say, their late night phone calls were a thing of ritual by now. 

Every single night, even that one time when Gerard's mom took his phone away, he got a hold of Frank by a shitty phone booth in the middle of town. So now he was breaking it? 

Gerard felt his heart skip a beat and let the horrible images in his mind take control. Frank might've broken his phone, but who the hell breaks their phone at a hospital of all places? 

Not Frank, he always had his phone. They have chargers, more than knock out gas anyway. What the hell? 

Jumping up from his bed, Gerard threw on the same clothes he wore that day in a hurry, and shoved his window open. He could see Frank's house from his open window, so he could make it if he ran fast enough. 

He didn't quite know why yet, but Gerard got an itching at the sides of his subconscious mind that wasn't just overthinking.

Something was wrong.

Frank sat slouched in the corner of his bedroom in pain, small, and more alone than he had ever felt in his life. Of course, always alone. 

Gripped tight in his fist was his father's handgun he gave him that evening after a night of binge drinking on whiskey. "Why!? Why can't you just fucking die already!?"

So useless little Frankie limped up to his room, gun in hand. He wondered why he couldn't just get this over with before. He fell to the floor when the exhaustion set in and it became too much to keep himself up. 

Along with the gun, Frank had a small razor he always kept in his jacket pocket, and pulled up his sleeve. He sliced open countless new cuts along with the ones that had opened up while running home. 

Tears pooled from the teenager's eyes as blood and the smell of pennies overcame the oder of his room. He might've cut too deep, but the pain felt so good he didn't even notice. Or care, for that matter. 

He groaned, and dropped the rusty razor. Frank took the gun in his hands right as he heard a bottle thrown and the front door slam. 

His dad had left, meaning no one but Gerard, or maybe Mikey would notice his missing the next morning. 

Gerard. Frank's heart stuttered when he thought of him. What would Gerard think? He recalled one night after Frank's nightly hospital visit when they were watching Blade Runner at his house. 

Mikey was sleeping on the floor and they were sat together on the couch. They were in touching proximity and Gerard turned to him with pizza sauce on the corner of his mouth.

"Hey Frankie, you know you're my only friend in this shitty world except for Mikey?" Frank rolled his eyes and they both laughed because they weren't taking it seriously. Gerard wasn't, anyway. 

Frank found the safety of the gun and switched it off with a sharp click, just as he was struck with a thought. Would Gerard miss him? Frank knew he'd miss him, and that was the biggest understatement of his life. He would go to hell and back for Gerard, however many times it took.

Like when Gerard still got drunk- Frank recalled the calls at 8 every night to make sure he wasn't doing anything he'd regret. Whether he answered or not, Frank usually ended up sneaking out and visiting him anyway. Those spontaneous visits still ocurred, come to think of it.

He loved that asshole, but he knew Gerard wasn't gay. In fact, that was an important part of why his dad hurt Frank all the time.

Gerard knew, and that's why they always spent so much time together. Whether it was trying to help fix Frank, or alone watching Gerard draw in his room. Time with Gee was like the one ray of sunshine his life. Could he live, knowing that he'd never love him back? 

Frank shook his head and cocked the gun, shivering in anticipation at the sound of bullets being loaded in the barrel. One second, and his brains would be splattered all over his wall. His life would end- selfishly- but he wouldn't be in pain anymore. But it was Gerard who was stalling him. Gerard.

Then, footsteps as fast as Frank's heartbeat pounded up the stairs. It startled him enough for him to pause, cold barrel up to his head and tears streamed down his face. 

He stared at the door in anticipation. Frank had locked it, so whoever it was, wasn't getting in unless Frank let them. 

When the pounding stopped, this person ran towards the door, and jiggled the knob. 

"Frank!? Frankie, are you in there? Please open the door!" 

Frank gasped when he realized who had actually came and choked back more tears. Why would Gerard show up out of nowhere on a limb, though? 

Frank was knocked out of his thoughts again by his friend's voice through the door. "Frankie, Frankie, please," Gerard begged when he didn't respond. "I can't be too late.. It can't.. Frankie, please open the door." 

The doorknob jiggled again, and it rattled with the shockwave of Gerard hitting it.

"I'm sorry I didn't realize sooner the shit you were going through. I thought you were getting better, and-and I could tell you how I really feel. I guess that's not happening so I need you to hear me, e-even if you can't." 

Frank choked out another sob, lowering the gun slightly as Gerard's voice cracked. "I care about you, o-okay? So fucking much. I love you, Frankie. Since fucking forever, okay!? Even if I was too late.. Please know that now. Please," Gerard sobbed and pounded the door before it sounded like he was sinking to the floor. 

Frank still sat, frozen in shock before pinching himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. When he didn't wake up, Frank scrambled over to the door, on his knees. 

The sixteen-year-old almost fell at the jolt in his ankle, and hands shaking, unlocked the door. Frank heard more shuffling when the lock finally clicked. No doubt Gerard heard it. 

Frank swallowed, taking a deep breath, and turned the doorknob. As soon as Frank cracked it open, Gerard shoved it the rest of the way and caught sight of him before lunging into his arms.

Frank stumbled back on impact and winced, hugging Gerard back. The gun clattered to the floor while Frank leaned completely against him for support. "H-Hi Gee.." Frank choked and buried his face in his neck. 

Gerard pulled back, and saw Frank's face where a bottle had been smashed, along with the bleeding cuts on his arms. 

"Frank, oh my god, I thought.. I thought you were fucking dead in here," Gerard sniffled and cupped his cheek with a gentle hand Frank leaned into.

"I-I saw the back door open, and, and the blood on the floor.. I didn't see you-" Frank shook his head and pulled him back in. 

"It's okay, Gee. M'okay." Gerard didn't seem to be convinced in the least and shook his head. 

He pulled away and reached for the gun barrel, throwing it across Frank's bedroom. It felt like the entire foundation had collapsed just like that. 

Gerard payed no mind and took Frank's hands in his own, gaping at the fresh cuts. "Fuck, Frankie.." Gerard whimpered, and cupped Frank's cheek so he'd look at him. "How long?" 

Frank sighed brokenly, and winced. "Long time.. I just, the cuts made me feel better. I didn't mean to hurt you." 

Gerard looked sullen and shook his head. "No, I hurt you, I should've been here, I'm sorry Frank," he apologized.

"Did you mean it?" Frank couldn't stop the words that poured out of his mouth, which was dumb because he really should know how by now.

"What?" 

Frank bit his lip ring and shrugged, avoiding Gerard's gaze in favor of the floor.

"Oh.. you mean.. oh. I- yes. I did, but I get it if you.. um.." Gerard trailed off quietly. 

Frank stalled, looked up, and took hold of his shoulders. "Y-Yeah? Well.. I mean this too." 

Frank leaned in and slammed his lips into Gerard's on some limb he'd kiss back. Gerard gasped, and pulled him closer. 

Frank actually felt happiness in the deep pit and smiled as their noses bumped together. The kiss went on for a while, and was a little sloppy, but by the end Gerard was smiling too.

"I- Wow.." Something glinted in his eyes as Gerard kissed him again. Frank smiled, really grinned for the first in a while and let his head fall on his shoulder. 

Gerard kissed Frank's tangled hair and took his head in his hands to look at him. "Please try and stop?" 

Gerard gestured to the clotting cuts on Frank's wrists. "If not for you, for.. I don't know. I don't want you to hurt anymore, Frankie. I won't let you." Gerard squeezed his hands and kissed his nose. 

Frank stifled a cry and nodded. "I, I'll try, but I can't promise anything, and I'll always need your help. With.. this." 

Gerard nodded. "Of course, Frankie. My door's always unlocked, my phone's always on if you need me." Gerard kissed Frank with more passion this time, cupping his cheek. 

They were both smiling when they separated, out of breath. Gerard took another glance down at the ugly cuts and swiped his thumb over them. The bleeding had stopped earlier, leaving dried blood and scabs where the blade had cut his skin. 

Frank was about to pull the ugly sight away before Gerard took his left arm up and began kissing every single dried cut on his wrist. 

Frank gasped at the soft gesture and shivered at how perfect and warm Gerard's lips were. All the way up to his forearm where they ended. 

Gerard looked up at Frank, as if asking for permission before he squeezed his hand and began up the other arm. Frank found his eyes closed and whimpered as he pressed his lips to one of the sorer spots that was still inflamed. 

By the time he was out of cuts, the length of Frank's arms felt all fuzzy and the cuts felt far better than the self hate ingrained into them.

"Things are gonna get better from here on, Frank. Okay?" Gerard smoothed his thumbs over the palms of his hands, knocking him out of his thoughts. 

Frank nodded and placed all the hope he had into Gerard's statement. 

"Please," Frank whispered and rested his head on the nearest thing, which happened to be Gerard's shoulder. 

He was exhausted enough to pass out right there, but if he was, it would be anywhere far away from that disgusting place. The place Gerard just got him out of, for the most part. 

He brought Frank into his signature Gerard-hug and nodded, kissing his grease ball of hair. "Let's go to my house. I'll fix up those cuts.. and anything else I see. That alright?" 

Frank nodded, far less overjoyed than he felt, and shot his head up off Gerard's shoulder. "I need Pansy." 

Frank heard Gerard chuckle a little and pulled back to look at his bruised and battered face. "She's still in my room, remember? And if you don't feel like you can, you can stay through visiting your mom tomorrow," Gerard offered and Frank winced and shook his head at that word. It made his jaw ache.

"She's gone, Gee. No, No more visits. Can we just go home n-now?" Frank asked in a voice too wavering and light to be his own. 

Gerard looked ready to say something, but shut his mouth and nodded. "Of course."


	2. Hotels to Hospitals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why put anything in the notes?? This took forever. School has been horrible for the most part; seriously all I've got left is my grades. I really don't like how this turned out but

That day launched a domino effect that changed the rest of Frank's life. 

But for now it was a week afterwards and Frank wasn't happy about being self admitted to a hospital. No, not at all. 

But Gerard insisted, ensuring him over and over he wasn't gonna leave him or pass him off to an institution for crazy people. After all, it was just to make sure there weren't any infected scars or internal bleeding. 

Gerard worried too much, and his mom had volunteered to pay for it while legal shit was being sorted out. He didn't wanna end up being owned by the state and run away like that one time. 

Frank blinked and stared up at the ceiling. The white cold hospital ceiling mocked him, with an annoying AC running by his bed. 

He wasn't happy in this gown that showed his ass, and just as annoyed with everything else this room had to offer. The stabbing needle, the silence, and no Gerard, Mikey, or even Toro, his third friend to keep him company during school. 

The worst were the doctors and nurses. Abusive father this, psychiatric evaluation that. Fuck his mental health, as long as his parents weren't 100 feet of him, Frank could breathe easy.

Day two of this. Two out of three, as Gerard explained visiting him yesterday. He told him what the doctors said about keeping him. 'Just until the adoption papers were signed,' so he legally belonged to Gerard and Mikey's parents. And Frank wanted to kiss him all over again. Like actually kiss, like the one last week. All passionate and lovey, would be the words to describe it. 

What time was it anyway? It felt like he's spent all day in this bed, again, and it's not even 12. Or maybe this whole hospital was one big joke. 

And jokes are on thing Frank's pretty good at.

Gerard stomped up the stairs, grumbling to himself after having to explain to the girl at the front desk that, no, Gerard was not related family, and no, Frank's weren't coming. 

Why? Because anyone related to Frank either didn't give a damn or was dead. Which pissed him off more. How could someone just up and abandon their kid!? Gerard refused to believe that anyone in the right mind would try and hurt anyone like that. It didn't have to be Frank that was the victim. 

Gerard, after many minutes, did put aside his anger, but only when approaching Frank's room. Gerard knew he was lonely; except for their phone calls, they only got to see each other for about two hours after school. 

But tomorrow was the day. Frank will get checked out, get shit sorted, and get him home where he won't have to be scared. He's been through so much shit like Gerard had, sometimes he can't wrap his head around it. 

"Excuse me sir, are you visiting Mr. Iero's room?" Gerard sighed, because he was through with this crap. "I am, and that's not how you pronounce his last name." 

The nurse, some guy in his mid-twenties, raised an eyebrow. "Well okay then. Are you related family?"

"Oh yeah, yep, I'm his.. 2nd cousin, thanks." Gerard didn't care about giving the nurse another chance to talk, and quickened his pace to Frank's room. 

He peered in, expecting to see him staring at the ceiling like yesterday. Instead, something etched itself in Gerard's heart after seeing Frank had dozed off waiting for him. 

Gerard smiled and went about sneaking inside. However he wasn't quiet enough. Frank woke up, looking about the room, and sighed. "It's about time. I missed you, asshole. Get over here," Frank said and laid his head back. 

Gerard smiled and obliged, dumping his school bag, and sitting next to his bed. "I missed you too. School's hell without you, and Mikey's still sick, so I'm alone and it sucks," he complained, knowing Frank would listen.

"Gee, some things you must learn. School is and always will be hell. Second, you're getting me out in 12 hours so stop whining about it. I hate it too." 

Gerard nodded, rubbing his eyes in mutual agreement. "I hate it more. I also hate you. I couldn't sleep last night, I knew you'd be.. asleep.." 

Frank pursed his lips. "Well shit, they already had me knocked out by 9.. You wanna talk about it?" 

"Thanks but no thanks, Frankie," Gerard shook his head. "I'm not gonna let that ruin the time when I actually get to see you." Gerard lowered his voice down to a whisper. "Is there any chance you'll let me kiss you again?" 

Frank smiled crookedly and pulled him close enough to smell the coffee on his breath. "Does that mean you still like me?" 

Gerard grinned and tucked a small tuff of Frank's hair behind his ear. "I'm pretty in love with you, yeah." And they were kissing. 

Passionate, soft- Gerard didn't care how dorky it was- he loved the love in all their kisses. They went on like that for quite a while, until Gerard felt Frank reach up, and tug lightly on his dark hair. Strangely- the best feeling ran down his spine, seriously. A strange whimper-like moan escaped as he pulled away. 

Gerard looked down. He could feel the red creeping up his neck, even as that feeling faded. When Frank didn't comment, Gerard looked and saw his eyes were wide.

"Didn't know I could make you make those sounds, Gee." 

Gerard shrugged. "I didn't- I don't know.. It felt.." he licked his lips. "Felt really good, Frank. What was that?" 

Frank seemed to bite back a smile. "Gee, you don't know?" 

Gerard, confused, shook his head. "That's a- well, it's a kink. It's like- that one thing that when someone does to you, it feels really fucking good." 

That sounded reasonable enough. "Oh," he nodded slowly. 

Frank laughed. "Nice, Gee, happy I could teach you a thing or two.. Was there a reason you came to visit besides to find yourself?" 

Gerard put that thought in his head for later, and realized he was sitting in a chair next to Frank's hospital bed. "Fucking duh. I didn't know that would happen, it just did. And Frank, I came cause I missed you today, remember?"

"I know," he said. "I just wanted to hear you say it again." 

Gerard scoffed, grinning like crazy. "Then you missed me too, huh? Nice. What about arms? Still patched up?" 

Frank displayed the bandages around his wrists. "Yup. I guess that's a good thing." 

"It is," Gerard affirmed and held his hand. "So can I.. ya know.." 

Frank pretended to be annoyed, then nodded and tugged his hand closer. Gerard smiled and let go to take off his shoes and jacket. Then, double checking the door, he slid into the space left by Frank.

"You know this is probably illegal, right?" Gerard nodded triumphantly. "Yeah, and you love it." Gerard laid his head on Frank's chest and wrapped his arms around his waist. 

"Okay?" He asked, referring to a couple of bruises on his chest. "Yeah, just- come here." Frank pulled him up closer and kissed his cheek.

Gerard hummed, curling up against Frank's side. "Hey Frank?" 

"Hm?" 

"Do you think Mikey would care if he found out you and me were together?" 

Frank scoffed. "No, he'd think we're perfect... Especially if it made you happy, I think." 

Gerard blinked up at the ceiling, shuddered a laugh and looked at him. "Well I'm happy. And I'll be happier when you'll be living with us. Are you gonna be okay?"

"Well, yeah. I guess. Depends on what you mean."

"Like- stuff's changed, and I wanna know how you feel about that." Gerard played with his sleeve. 

"I feel.." Frank paused. "I feel like as long as you don't end up leaving like my dad. Or like my mom.." Gerard sensed Frank tense up as he closed his eyes.

"We don't have to talk about it," Gerard spoke softly. Frank blinked at him and switched his gaze back to the ceiling. 

"I'm not gonna leave you. Me, Mikey, even Toro, we all care about you Frank, don't worry.." Gerard trailed off. "As long as you stay with me."

Frank glanced back at him, sighed, and kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was never that good looking back


	3. Teddy Bear

So one month after the whole hospital ordeal, and things were just starting to look up for Frank and Gerard.

Frank had finally moved into Gerard's house with him, and had effectively made his bond with Gerard's family stronger. The two were in love- but more on that later. 

Frank's mom had passed away, if you missed that. What ended up happening the day Frank almost killed himself- well Frank told Gerard: Like every afternoon after school, he went to the hospital to see his mom instead of coming home. Frank was a minor, but his quick persistence got him through hospital staff most of the time. He was only there for about an hour, and Frank's mom died, flatlining suddenly as Frank spoke in a one-sided conversation with her. 

And that was that. Frank's dad was gone, fled the state most likely, Frank overheard the police say. It broke his heart knowing that not even his dad stuck around. Maybe he wasn't overthinking when he thought his mom had somehow offed herself. 

Either way, Frank lived with Gerard now. He was crying that night in Gerard's arms, and he still did a lot this past month. Not because he was sad, not most of the time. 

Frustration, relief, a stomach-churning mixture of emotions. And Gerard always found that. Now that they shared the same room, it was kinda impossible to avoid him. 

Frank knew Gerard was a swift believer that crying didn't make you any less of a man, but Frank didn't even see himself as a man, not figuratively. He had a dick, but.. (oh lord) moving on. 

So Gerard would rush to Frank's side when he found him, and coax him to relax; they'd figure it out. And to this day, Frank still believes him. But more on that later. 

So one month later, where to begin. The day was Spring, a chilly March afternoon in Jersey when Frank got sick. This wasn't new, Frank was quite infamous for getting sick a lot. Gerard knew his dad used to hate him for spending money on whatever medicine, so he usually went over to Gerard's house during this time anyway. 

Also, the funeral was in three days. Frank didn't wanna go see her, he really didn't. He didn't wanna see her dead face, or sit through a congregation celebrating a life that didn't to Frank. 

The service wasn't gonna be free either- Frank had heard that his aunt had paid for it to happen. Well, he didn't know her, so that's her problem. Frank didn't wanna go to the dumb funeral, and that's that. 

He's told Gerard, admittedly, and he said he didn't have to go if Frank didn't wanna see her like that. The police or the judge wasn't gonna force him to, anyway. 

So that's why, after Gerard had very reluctantly left to go to school with Mikey, Frank had gotten up too. He just slipped on his converse when he stopped, sitting slouched tiredly on Gerard's bed. Or more accurately, their bed. 

The room was a mess, nothing new there, dim and artwork hung up all over the walls. Frank always loved Gerard's room that way. It wasn't nice, the over spilling trash can spelled that out, but it was just dark and soft and warm- and it smelled like him. Frank loved that. 

Frank's soft reminiscing was caught when he received a message in his phone. Frank made a half leap towards his charger by the bed, and saw it was from Gee. 'Math sucks cock. I cant believe you get a sick day.. mikey said if you get worse theirs medicin in the kitchen. xogee' Frank grinned widely, and wiped his nose for the umpteenth time that morning. 

So he took his phone, stood, and started up the hardwood basement stairs, into to the real world. Frank grimaced at the sudden light resonating through the bay windows; he had hoped it would rain like the day before, alas, sunshine filtered through his world. 

Frank rubbed his eyes, then his nose again languidly, converse clapping against the floor as he walked to the kitchen. Groceries from the previous night overspilled the breakfast bar, and a forgotten sticky note on the fridge told him so. Frank barely skimmed over it, towards the end it said it was from Gerard's mom. Obviously, to put up the groceries. 

Frank recalled last night fondly, until Gerard had pulled him downstairs because he was exhausted. Mikey wasn't gonna do it, so the groceries sat, untouched. So of course Frank ignored them, too stuffed up and sick-feeling to go stifling through them for breakfast. He found the pills, supposedly for headaches, and swallowed two dry. 

Gerard's mom left for work every morning before they started to school, so Frank was indeed alone in the house. With absolutely nothing, or anyone to his company, Frank's dirty converse made slapping sounds as he walked down the sidewalk. He had decided, after about five minutes, fuck it, he wasn't gonna do nothing all day while sick and alone. 

So he walked, tracing the familiar directions in his mind that would lead him back to his old house. 

Old, Frank scoffed. That didn't nearly measure up to how he would describe his home for fifteen years. Didn't matter, he didn't live there anymore. 

Walking up to the lot, he was mildly surprised to find the driveway completely empty. The police had been around a lot, and stayed inside the house a majority of the day. 

An opportunity showed itself to Frank, and suddenly, he had an idea. The front door was locked, but that didn't deter him. Occasionally when his dad was too drunk or high, Frank got pretty good at scaling trees, and climbing in through an open window. Like right now. 

Frank sneaked around to his side of the house, and found the tree he used for climbing. His bedroom window was open, broken a couple weeks back, and now Frank had a chance. 

He looked for a vantage point around the trunk, and began making his way up. Frank felt a rush of pride at his success; he could see into his room, and all that was stopping him was the small hop over. Fuck it. 

Frank inched around the side of a sturdy-looking branch, got ready, and pushed off the side of the trunk in the general direction of the broken window. And that rush of pride was gone. 

Replaced by a hard jab of pain in his face, and the abrupt thud as his body hit the floor. Frank winced at more shattered glass, followed by the thwack of the branch he jumped from. As Frank moaned, he took in the shit musk of his old house, felt his cheek throb and throb, and not fade away. 

He almost laughed as he moved to sit up, and saw the disgusting state of his room he had left. And yet, Gerard first kissed him where his door was still left ajar from that night about a month ago. Frank focused on that door and nothing else as he got to his feet, in fact. 

The house was benign now. With nobody living in it,  Frank thought it took on the theme of a haunted house. After he took his eyes off the rotting white paint, he saw the evidence square marking dried blood on the floor. Had that been his? 

It was a pretty big portion of his room, and Frank subconsciously felt the deep, jagged reminders in his wrists. Then another piece of evidence, the gun. Frank's father's gun, and it hadn't moved from when Gerard threw it.

Frank sighed, suddenly feeling very upset. His father shouldn't have even owned a gun at that time. He was on parole then, and if not for his worthless son, what else was he gonna use it for? Frank tore his gaze away, and quietly explored the rest of his old room. 

His bedroom, which was originally painted white, took on brown grime- especially around the ceiling. Here, there were were no engravings in his ceiling like in Gerard's room. There were spirals and shapes all over in his, and Frank frequently made out characters with them, like a dog, or a turtle. Frank's ceiling was just a gray slate, and he's never hated it more. 

Frank rooted through his old closet, finding a strapped backpack, and started packing anything he wanted out. A stuffed dog, for one, and Frank recalled when he got the old thing. His mom and dad went out because she was falling out again, and his dad picked it out because Frank was really obsessed with getting a dog around that time.

He probably bought because his mom wanted to. He was a failing student, and a worthless result of his father's expectations. 

Frank's dad was a father, actually. He worked, came home, ate dinner, asked Frank about his day, and went to bed. Dads and sons, Frank figured, had a relationship of some kind, but that never happened. 

So Frank gathered these things slowly, occasionally stopping just to look over it, and put it in the duffle. Then Frank found, or rather didn't find, some certain somethings in his bedside drawer. 

Frank recalled writing notes vividly in his life. He always wrote what he felt, and why he wanted to get it over with. Sometimes when he just had an awful day, or others. 

Like- Frank remembered his 15th birthday, late, late into the night afterwards. The night had been pretty awesome. Gerard insisted he come over after learning, and yelled incredulously, "you've never had a birthday party!?" 

This was before the hospital thing, and Frank's mom didn't care as long as he didn't do anything stupid. Well they both kinda smoked cigarettes and lied together watching Zombieland. 

Frank wrote a note at around 4 in the morning when he was still feeling the fallout of his birthday, or at his best. Depression, to anyone who's experienced it, knows it always comes back. Frank needed a grounding point for himself, and as a result, desperately pushed Gerard away. 

Well the notes were gone- somehow- from Frank's drawer. The police didn't know that shit- right? Obviously the fag cut himself, then why take his suicide notes? This unnerved Frank, but now thoroughly rid of them, he would take karma as it came. 

So whatever, Frank breathed in and out through his nose, and wanted to get outta there before he got caught trespassing. Duffle half-stacked and over his shoulder, Frank threw his legs over the sill, and didn't take a look back as he dropped about a story into his backyard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh this chapter feels so.. Filler. But I promise itll be important later, +i have the next already done so take that


	4. Nighttime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like this one.

      Fast forward about two months, so Gerard and Frank had been dating for about four months now. 

Gerard was walking home from school by himself. 

Mikey and Frank were already home by now, but Gerard had stayed behind to complete an assignment when it happened. 

He dialed Frank's number he knew by heart, tears blurring his eyesight to his phone screen. He was standing just outside their house, next to the porch. Obviously he could very well walk inside, but he was a mess, a crying, sniveling.. mess. He didn't mind being heard, just not seen like that. 

It rang twice before Frankie picked up. "Gee?" "Frank," Gerard cried, closing his eyes. 

"Gerard?" Frank asked again urgently. "What's wrong? Where are you?" 

Gerard took a second to recover himself. "Outside.. home. I didn't go inside cause I didn't want Mikey to see me and I know you won't pity me so much and- and..." 

"Wait Gee, don't cry. I'm coming outside." Gerard took a deep breath, held it, then let it out. "Okay," Gerard said and he meant it. 

So Gerard, holding his arm close to his body, stood waiting by the stairs leading up to the front door of their house. It only took a minute, or not even. Gerard subconsciously wiped his nose for excess blood and ran a hand through his hair. 

He jumped as the door slammed behind him and out came Frank, looking all scared and worried.. "Frank," Gerard said and burst into tears.

Frank bounded down the stairs, first grabbed his hands, then his shoulders, up to cup his face. "They beat you up," Frank sighed. "I shouldn't've left you." 

Gerard looked away and Frank cupped TBH his cheeks intimately. "What can I do to make it better?" 

Gerard sunk his shoulders in a measly shrug, then got an idea. It was Friday. "Can we go to, uh, the cemetery?" Frank coddled Gerard's chin up and saw Frank's eyes soften. "Okay. I'll go tell Mikey we won't be home for a couple hours." 

Gerard nodded and let Frank take his school bag off his shoulder. "I'll wait," Gerard mumbled and Frank nodded and disappeared inside. So while he waited, Gerard reverted his gaze to the street.

This didn't happen most days, a couple jerks from his grade picking on him. Most times, especially with his brother, he could ignore or deflect the hateful things his classmates said. 

Obviously that wasn't the case this day after school. First came the casual insults, like fag, god help them, then Gerard retaliated because he's an impulsive fuck like that, leading up to physical violence and Gerard getting his ass kicked. 

And in his mind, words weren't a thing Gee could forget about, or brush off. Gerard would inevitably playback and rethink every word that was said. Maybe if he would've closed his stupid mouth this time, it would've turned out different. 

A breeze brushed by him, and Gerard wobbled on his feet, but he really wanted to go see her. Maybe Frank would get him some Neosporin on the way out, most preferably a pack of cigarettes. Or some water. Gerard's head and throat hurt like hell, and he didn't know if it was from being choked or something else. 

Gerard subconsciously brushed the throbbing spot above his collarbone, and felt himself wince. 

The door suddenly slammed again, making Gerard jump. Again. "Okay Gee, we're all set." Frank hopped down the steps, a messenger bag of his own over his shoulder. "What's all-" 

"Water, some snacks- Gerard Arthur Way don't you dare lie to me about not being hungry- Neosporin and whatever else was in the medicine cabinet for those assholes who hurt you. You ready?" 

Gerard narrowed his eyes, trying to reassess all of what Frank just said. "I'm a little thirsty.." Is what Gerard ended up saying. Because otherwise he would've started babbling over lucky he was to have Frank, or Frank as a boyfriend for that matter- but Gerard didn't have the energy for babbling. 

Frank's lips broke into a boyish smile, and held out his hand. Inevitably Gerard held it, and to his surprise, didn't start down the street. Instead, Frank softly cupped his cheek, pressed their foreheads together, making Gerard close his eyes. "I was fucking scared for you for a second there, on the phone." 

Gerard's eyes opened, only to find Frank's were closed. "So when we get to her grave, you'll let me fix your face, eat something, and I really won't pry if you don't wanna talk about what happened." Frank held his hand, tightly refusing to let go. 

Smiling ever so slightly, Gerard reached down for Frank's other hand, and held it. "Thanks," Gerard said with earnest, and Frank opened his eyes as he did so. Dazzling bright green that were as beautiful as they were loving. "You're welcome," Frank spoke back, smirking and pressing his lips to Gerard's cheek. 

The stroll to the cemetery was made relatively faster than normal. For one, Gerard realized was quite famished when Frank had mentioned it. Two: Gerard just wanted to go spend time with Frank somewhere quiet, just to assess the damage and love for a while. 

A couple years ago, after Elena, Gerard and Mikey's grandmother, passed away, Gerard would wander to the cemetery to 'talk' (whine and moan) to her grave and cry. It was a destructive period, bringing up memories Gerard hated for who he was now. 

During that time, Frank eventually started wedging himself into Gerard's life, into his addictions and soon all his problems. Despite what Gerard insisted, Frank normally ended up at his front door whether he appeared unhappy or not. That lead to Gerard going cold turkey one night, much to Mikey's relief, Frank's mom passing away, and so on. And so on.

Frank had pulled open the large metal gate for Gerard before he could ask, satchel bumping his hip along the way. "Thanks Frankie!" Gerard called over the bitter winds blowing through the Jersey air. 

Too bad Frank already had a black Misfits jacket on, otherwise Gerard would offer his to Frank in one desperate call to heroism. It just felt like Frank had done so much for him already, and he wanted desperately to return the favor. 

Gerard huddled to himself mid-chill, then grabbed Frank's hand that was also chilled to the bone. Frank just grinned, and lead them through the winding plaques and tombstones where Elena's grave was in its own spot near the mausoleum doors. 

Frank slowed down for Gerard, then to a mere stroll as the words embedded in the stone became legible. By the time Frank had dropped the satchel, it was nearing dusk. The beautiful sunset was hidden forthright by a jumble of sweeping clouds, making the scenery dimmer.

Gerard paid his respects, along with Frank to the lost life, a few deep red roses signifying past respects. Frank's gloved hand was still wrapped in Gerard's, which Gerard thought was a really good metaphor he could ponder on later. 

"Frank?" Gerard's tone was soft, barely audible over the hush of the wind. "Hm?" Frank looked up and at him, green eyes inquisitive. "Fix my face?" 

The harsh winds had numbed out most of the pain for Gerard, but he was sure he looked no better. In fact the wind whistled comically now, just around the mausoleum.

"Okay, sit." Frank prodded Gerard onto the grass, that was pulled up and stretched from his doing. All his doing. 

Frank passed him a sandwich and dug through for some antibiotics and a couple bandaids. It was dumb help compared to those asshats that beat him up, Gerard thought. But it was his best friend-turned boyfriend, so it really couldn't get better. 

A few tender kisses, half a sandwich, and some much needed TLC later, Gerard sported a large bandaid on his forehead, now shivering in place of his neglected jacket. "All done, now comes the best part," Frank smirked and went back to the satchel.

"There's parts?" Gerard put on his jacket, noting how drastically the sky had darkened in about fifteen minutes. "Hush." Frank took the other half of the sandwich from Gerard, taking a bite out of it, and dragged the satchel into his lap. "First: Are you okay?" 

Gerard gawked at Frank talking through mouthfuls, and put the sandwich down after one bite. "Frank, you actually picked up my call, walked to the cold-ass cemetery, and babied me. I'm a fuckton better than I felt earlier." Even in dusk, Frank's grin was bright in the dark, the clearest thing Gerard could see. "O' course Gee." 

Wow, Gerard thought. Frank's blush has and always will be the most stunning thing he's ever seen. "Are you okay?" 

To that, Frank's eyes drifted downward. Gerard watched his head bob a little- once. "Honestly I was kinda waiting for you to get home. Cause of.. I dunno.." The brick wall Frank built up was starting to deteriorate. Gerard blindly reached, found Frankie's hand, and held it. "Yeah?" 

"I dunno," he said again. "I've just been reflecting, ya know? We've been through a lotta shit together, I guess." 

"No shit Frankie-baby," Gerard laughed but Frank didn't laugh, nor find it humorous in the least. "Gerard, can I talk to you?" Gerard narrowed his eyes, and squeezed Frank's hand again, tighter.

"Okay? Of course you can talk to me- did I do something?" A rush of anxiety settled in the pit of Gerard's stomach then, bless him.

"What? No, no, Gee. Don't panic, I'm fine. I'm more worried about you, actually- I just wanna talk to you," Frank explained smoothly and scooted closer to his boyfriend. "You're everything to me, Gerard. Literally- you're my whole fucking life now. I'd be pretty dead without you, ya know? Now we're together. I just- really, really love that." 

Gerard breathed in, inviting the chilly air to constrict his lungs.

You're everything to me, Gerard. 

"I love being together with you, too," Gerard sniffled, his head kinda hurting from where he got punched. Gerard sighed. "I really, really, really love you Frankie." 

Gerard squeaked as Frank caught him by surprise with his lips. Gerard reacted by shivering from the warm-chill of his lip ring, and kissing back softly. Frank made a whining sound unique to only him, deepening the kiss just enough. Just enough to intensify everything Gerard was feeling. Frank always did this to him. In some way or another. 

To his surprise, Frank pulled away suddenly, and began searching his satchel. Gerard put his head on his shoulder and silently waited through a couple labored breaths of cold air. 

Frank's hand came out with a little stuffed dog(e), that almost looked like it was falling apart at the seams. It was brown, and obviously ratted by age. It looked sincere, but Gerard didn't remember Frank ever showing him this before now. Gerard's stuffed toy or Frank's, he didn't know. "Did I make you feel better yet?" 

Gerard laughed in submission, and it made his cheeks sting. "Gorgeous," he confirmed and kissed Frank's cheek, and then his lips.  

This wasn't smart- some poor guy could just as well walk by and see two teenagers kissing, much less teenage boys. But then again, Gerard meandered on, kissing Frank felt awesome. And not another time would he pass up this golden opportunity to show some much needed affection. 

By now Gerard was holding onto Frank's round sides, nearing closer until he dropped into his lap. Frank giggled into the kiss, pressing closer and getting more touchy with Gerard's bruised sides. "Is this okay?"

Gerard nodded absentmindedly, dog put off to the side, so Gerard put it in his lap, and pulled Frank up a little closer since he was smaller. They sat together and kissed, sensually touching for quite a while before it got cooler. Gerard's stomach had tied itself in knots, and simultaneously rose and sank in a roller coaster of excitement. 

Over the sound of blood rushing to his ears, all Gerard could hear was Frank's labored breathing and his occasional gasps and sighs of pleasure. From what he was doing, Gerard realized. He was making Frankie gasp and kiss a little harder and pull Gerard's hair. 

His stomach fucking dropped, causing him to moan out, and pull away, which only made Frank pull harder by inertia. Gerard let out a strangled cry of pleasure, shuddered, and tensed up where he rested in Frank's lap.   
Well that was embarrassing. 

Frank gasped then, a noise breezed against Gerard's cheek. Gerard always blushed when Frank- on purpose or not- tugged on his hair. Christ. Frank was giggling when the wind started picking up, and he tugged Gerard's chin up to look at him. "Hey, there's nothing wrong with the noises you make, Gee. You're so cute." "Yeah, well.." Gerard huddled closer to Frank, the stuffed toy bundled in his arms along with the familiar smell of Frank's jacket. 

"It's no fun when I can't do it to you. I wish I knew how." Gerard was well aware of his ears turning red just from the thought, and saying that aloud. 

He didn't see his reaction, all Gerard felt was Frank's lips back gliding against his, then moving and maybe manhandling Gerard so he was directly facing him. Gerard wasn't about to complain anytime soon, so he went along with his plan with vigor. 

That was when Frank grabbed Gerard's small hand, and pressed it against his crotch. Both boys pulled away at the same time, Gerard to gasp, and Frank to throw his head back. Gerard was still watching as Frank thrusted up into his palm, making these soft, "..ah..ah.." sounds that were just. Wow. 

Gerard moaned without even realizing, and rubbed the front of his jeans for himself, and felt the outline of his dick. Gerard again, moaned and rubbed a little harder, feeling himself almost heat up in that area. 

He watched Frank's hips buck up, eyes screwed shut, then softly pushed his hand away. "That's how," Frank said, almost as an afterthought for Gee now that he was at the receiving end of those noises. 

Gerard couldn't even find the words to respond after that. "Oh," he replied dumbly. Yeah, oh. 

Gerard believed Frank just gained another level on 'the most cutest, kickass motherfucker he's ever had the pleasure of coming into contact with' trope. Frank had been his first high school friend, first kiss, first more-than-a-friend, and now first.. What do you call this? The first time Gerard's ever reached 3rd base? Which didn't matter to him much, but holy fuck what did he ever do to deserve Frank? Seriously. 

"So what do you think?"   
Gerard thought a moment, holding the stuffed puppy between the two of them. "I like it. That's really.." Gerard had never experienced something like what he felt then. "Really feel-good." 

Frank laughed, fucking cute, and sat up to cup Gerard's chin. It was then he did feel the setback of getting punched in the face; it hurt. "Sorry," Frank returned at Gerard's instant sign of discomfort. 

"I don't care." Gerard returned Frank's hand, and leaned into the touch. Frank kissed his cheek again, and Gerard felt incline to tell him he loved him, when thunder suddenly boomed across the sky. Gerard gasped, and jumped. 

"Shit." Frank pushed, and tugged Gerard to his feet, then quickly grabbed the satchel. 

Meanwhile, Gerard stared up at the dark clouds rolling in, and grip around the stuffed animal's neck tightened. "It's gonna rain! C'mon Gee, you're mom's gonna kick our asses if we're not back!" 

Gerard, back to the land of the living, nodded. Holy shit, if he didn't have a long-standing fear of thunder for no-fucking-reason.. 

Frank grabbed his free hand once the black satchel was back on his shoulder, and they broke into a run, swiveling in and around gravestones to the exit of the cemetery. On a Friday evening, about three months later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you know Arnold swartzneggar(SPELLING) was the governer of California once and that's why we have hummer cars? I learned that in school

**Author's Note:**

> K I've decided to continue this thingy. Might be a while. Brb


End file.
